In the midst of my yearning, hoping, and praying to get pregnant, a friend of mine comes to me and informs me that after having sex one time without protection, she is pregnant. A part of me wanted to pull back my fist and punch the smile right off of her face. I hold it back. I am happy for her, just sad for myself. While she talks in excitement, I think to myself, maybe I should go to her house and drink some of her water. Or maybe I should search her cabinets for the magical powder.
After a few more wonderful visits from aunt flow, I decide that maybe I should make a doctor appointment to make sure everything is functioning correctly. My husband tells me that I am worrying about nothing and I need to stop freaking out. Whatever, every man knows that a woman is always right! I call the doctor to make an appointment and guess what? She can't get me in for a few months because she is on maternity leave. Can you believe it? In the meantime, I continue the sexcapades, hoping and praying that the sperm will get off of its lazy ass and go find my egg.
Then some really wonderful news! My best friend in the whole world tells me she is pregnant. I am so happy for her (but again, sad for myself). So now I am baby shower planning for two of my friends and sulking in private. I smile my way through baby shopping sprees, doctor appointments, all the while, my heart is breaking. I'm so jealous I can't stand it. I look at baby clothes, make suggestions on cribs while I hold back my urge to run through the store like a crazed woman while I knock down every rack and rip everything off of the shelves. I just keep reminding myself that one day I will be shoppping and someone will be planning a baby shower for me. This makes me feel better and helps me keep my faith.
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Ok, so I just cried like a baby. The moment that I found out I was pregnant the only thing I could think about was how much I wanted you to be pregnant too. I am so sorry that I never took the time to tell you that. You are such an amazing best friend and I love you so so so much. I don't know what I would have done without you during these last 9 months. Even though my pregnancy ended in a tragedy, I know that in someway it brought us a little closer. I know your heart is breaking and I wish that I could take away all of your pain, but I know I can't, so please know that I am always here for you. We will be mommy's soon and then we get to spend the rest of our lives planning the most wonderful wedding of our lives, because my son and your daughter are going to get married one day. Thank you for giving me the most amazing baby shower and going with me to my appointments. I love you so much and will always be here for you!
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