Time for the ultrasound

Looking back, I remember the night before we went for our ultrasound. My mom had called me to tell me (for the hundredth time) to call her right after our appointment so she could hear every detail. While talking to her, she was asking me if I was excited. I remember telling her that I was excited and I just wanted to go and make sure that there was really a baby in there. (Maybe I shouldn't have said that.)

On November 30, 2009, Jonny and I went to the doctor in hopes of getting our first glimpse of our future child. Jonny kept pointing to various pregnant women asking me if I was ready to look like that. We laughed about how funny I was going to look with a huge belly. We waited not so patiently in the waiting room until they called our name. We went back into a small room filled with the ultrasound gear. I was told to undress from the waste down as the ultrasound would be done vaginally. Jonny whispered to me "that thing looks like a turkey baster." We were all smiles. Before she started, the ultrasound tech asked me for the first day of my last period and I told her October 5th. She started the ultrasound and I immediately noticed that something didn't seem right. I looked at my husband and mouthed to him "somethings wrong." He just kept looking at me and the screen with a blank look. The ultrasound tech said "here's the gestational sac and let me just get a measurement of your ovaries." Then she asked me again when my last period was and I told her. It felt like she was forcing that "turkey baster" into every direction possible. Then she stopped the ultrasound and told me to go ahead and sit back. I told her I knew something was wrong and she could just tell me. She said that there was a gestational sac but she could not see a fetus. She said she was going to get the doctor and I could get dressed.

I cried as I got dressed. I looked at Jonny and told him that I had a bad feeling about this. I felt kind of stupid for being so upset about something that I obviously never had but it still hurt. The doctor came in and explained to us that there must have been something wrong with either the sperm or the egg so my body detected it and absorbed it. She explained that my body did not completely reject the pregnancy since the gestational sac kept growing. My gestational sac measured at 8 wks 2 days. She explained this as being called a "blighted ovum." She scheduled me for a D & C for the next morning and sent me home with some printouts about miscarriage.

I cried almost all of the way home. Once we got home, I was able to process what had happened. Jonny and I had hardly said two words to each other since we got the news. I looked over at him and said "Well, at least your sperm and my egg finally tried to do something." Then we both just laughed and realized that our journey was far from over. Not that I wanted it to end that way but it was nice to know that we were so much further in our journey than we were 18 months ago. We both know that our journey is completely in God's hands. Well, in God's hands and in the hands of my magical plastic applicators.