The Present

I didn't get my first menstrual cycle until about six weeks after my D&C and boy did I ever get it. I think that aunt flow really had it in for me. To say the least, it was not the most wonderful experience although I was glad to finally have a cycle. Jonny and I had to practice "safe" sex during the down time. I kept thinking to myself "why the hell do we need to practice safe sex, we couldn't even make a baby for 18 months?" It is kind of comical to look back and think that Jonny and I spent so many years doing everything possible to avoid pregnancy when we really never needed to. But, we followed the orders of the doctor. Jonny and I were at the store and I was standing in the aisle looking at all of the different varieties of condoms. When did they start making so many different kinds, sizes, colors, shapes, flavors? I kept reading all of the boxes and wondering if they talked or something now. Jonny was a couple of aisles over and I yelled "Hey babe, what kind of condoms do you want?" If you know my husband then you know that he is very shy and does not like it when I make a scene. He came around the corner, face red and I swear there was smoke coming out of his ears. I said "What?" He just gave me a dirty look and told me to get whatever I wanted and he walked away. So, being the wonderful wife I am, I grabbed a box and walked over to him where he stood with a bunch of other people and said "honey, do you think these are small enough for you?" I thought he was going to kill me right there. That's okay, he knew what he was getting when he married me.

Well, we had not used a condom in what seemed like forever. When you get so use to something, it is hard to adapt to change (if you know what I mean). So the box of condoms went into the trash and we resulted to the famous "pull & pray" method for the remaining time period. It made me feel like a teenager again.

The story of my journey to motherhood has now brought us to the present day. At the beginning of February I had my second normal menstrual cycle so it was time for baby making fun. I counted 17 days to mark my calendar for the day I would begin the hormone. We were told by our doctor to try to have sex every other day from the end of my cycle until the day I start my hormone. Have you ever tried to make a baby when you and your husband are not home at the same time? It's quite complex but we have it down to a T. My husband works second shift so he is asleep when I get up in the morning and I am asleep when he gets home at night. We are both home together on the weekend. So the weekend of Valentine's Day, we took advantage of being home together all weekend. During the week is another story. I will either stay up late and wait for him to get home, or he will wake up early in the morning when I get up, or I've even driven home from work on my lunch break to have a little "date" before he goes to work. Our future child better be really thankful for the effort that we have put forth.

So I started my hormone on Saturday the 20th. I did not miss the hormone at all. If you missed it in one of my previous posts, this hormone is a gel that is inserted vaginally once a day. And lets just say that all of the gel does not stay where it needs to. Now that you have a wonderful mental image, I won't say anymore. After I start the hormone it is pretty much the waiting game. Someone should write a book on what to do for the two weeks that you have to wait to see if you are pregnant. The hormone always delays my period so even it is late, I won't get excited. Not that I think we are going to get pregnant the first month, but I am hopeful. So we will see what happens. My birthday is coming up on March 10th and it would be a wonderful 27th birthday present if I got to pee on that magical stick and see two lines. We will see.

Highs and Lows

The next few weeks after the D&C were filled with highs and lows. A little over a week after my D&C, one of my best friends delivered a beautiful, healthy baby boy. I was overjoyed and very happy for her. He was perfect in every way. I just kept thinking to myself "Oh my gosh, one of us is actually a mom." This just reassured me that I was ready to be a mother. Watching my best friend and her husband start their family made me want to experience it that much more. When I held him, all I could do was stare at him in amazement.

About a week later, my best friend called me with devastating news. She had gone to the doctor for her 34 week check up and they could not find the baby's heartbeat. She had lost him. I immediately got off the phone with her and drove to her house. As I was driving there I kept thinking to myself "no, this can't be happening. This isn't real. No way is this happening." But it was. My Godson was born a sleeping angel on December 20, 2009. I have spent the past couple of months angry and upset. I have questioned my faith and God. I have cursed the world and looked for answers. I know that everyone says that everything happens for a reason but no one can tell me why. I read everything I could to try to understand why this would happen. I tried my best to be strong for my best friend and her husband. I didn't know what to say or what to do to help ease their pain.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about my Godson. I never thought I could love someone so much that I had never met until my best friend in the whole world became pregnant. My best friend and I spend almost every day together. I attended doctor appointments with her, planned her baby shower, felt him move in her tummy and talked to him all of the time. I feel like he was cheated. He was cheated out of his life. His parents were cheated out of their son. I was cheated out of my Godson. Everyone in his family was cheated. Everyone who would have known him was cheated. I have spent too many nights in the past couple of months crying myself to sleep. I will not say anymore. He knows how I feel. It will never show on my face though. I will never let anything get the best of me!

The day after my Godson was born, I had my post opp check up with the doctor. I dreaded going back to that hospital. They called me back and first did a urine sample. They then took me to the second "waiting room" (as I like to call it). The doctor finally came and told me that the pregnancy hormone was out of my system which was a good sign. She also said that all tests from the tissue and blood work had come back fine. She then did an exam and told me that everything had healed nicely and my uterus was back to its original size. She informed Jonny and I that we would need to wait two menstrual cycles and then we could start trying again. She said that I should get my first cycle sometime in January and then after the February cycle we could try again. Jonny and I were happy and relieved with the news. We both decided that as soon as we could try again, we would. We knew that the journey would continue.

D & C

It was time for the D&C. My surgery was scheduled for 10:00 a.m. but I had to be at the hospital at 8:00 for prep. My mom and Jonny took me to the surgery. For those of you who don't know me, I am the most needle phobic person on this planet. Any time I have to get my blood drawn, I totally panic and just about pass out. So anyway, a nurse comes out to get me so I can get checked in and changed. They make my mom and Jonny wait in the waiting room while I get prepped. I have a wonderful nurse who was very compassionate. The only time I cried was when I had to sign a paper giving the hospital permission to dispose of the fetal tissue. Other than that, all of the paperwork went smoothly.

The nurse then handed me the lovely hospital gown I would be wearing. The nurse laughed at all of my jokes and especially when I asked her if she was enjoying the butt view. Then the nurse prepared to put in the dreaded IV. She was very quick but I still had anxiety. After she put in the IV she went to get my mom and Jonny. I could hear her as they approached my room "don't worry, she looks a little pale but that is just from the IV."

Surgery time came and I was wheeled back to the operating room. They put me on the operating table and the anesthesiologist told me he was going to give me an "operating room cocktail" to help me relax. That was the best cocktail I have ever had. Next thing I know I see two nurses bolting these huge black boot type things to the table. I immediately realize that my legs are going to be strapped in to those things spread wide for the world to see. The last thing I remember is asking the doctor if she would wait until I was asleep until she put my legs in those things. I told her that I knew everyone was going to see my business but I'd like to pretend like it wasn't happening. She giggled and said she would definitely wait.

The surgery went well. The doctor told my mom and Jonny that my uterus and tubes looked great and she did not see any other abnormalities. She told them that she was going to send the fetal tissue to the lab to be tested. After I was out of recovery, I had to stay for about an hour for monitoring. Every 15 minutes a nurse would come in and make me lift up so she could check the amount of bleeding. Every time this happened, Jonny would freak. I kept laughing and asking him what he was going to do when I was actually in labor. I told him that he would be seeing a lot worse than that. I was instructed to schedule a follow up visit in two weeks. I spent the rest of the day in pain and laying on the couch. I did, however, enjoy my pain pills.

Time for the ultrasound

Looking back, I remember the night before we went for our ultrasound. My mom had called me to tell me (for the hundredth time) to call her right after our appointment so she could hear every detail. While talking to her, she was asking me if I was excited. I remember telling her that I was excited and I just wanted to go and make sure that there was really a baby in there. (Maybe I shouldn't have said that.)

On November 30, 2009, Jonny and I went to the doctor in hopes of getting our first glimpse of our future child. Jonny kept pointing to various pregnant women asking me if I was ready to look like that. We laughed about how funny I was going to look with a huge belly. We waited not so patiently in the waiting room until they called our name. We went back into a small room filled with the ultrasound gear. I was told to undress from the waste down as the ultrasound would be done vaginally. Jonny whispered to me "that thing looks like a turkey baster." We were all smiles. Before she started, the ultrasound tech asked me for the first day of my last period and I told her October 5th. She started the ultrasound and I immediately noticed that something didn't seem right. I looked at my husband and mouthed to him "somethings wrong." He just kept looking at me and the screen with a blank look. The ultrasound tech said "here's the gestational sac and let me just get a measurement of your ovaries." Then she asked me again when my last period was and I told her. It felt like she was forcing that "turkey baster" into every direction possible. Then she stopped the ultrasound and told me to go ahead and sit back. I told her I knew something was wrong and she could just tell me. She said that there was a gestational sac but she could not see a fetus. She said she was going to get the doctor and I could get dressed.

I cried as I got dressed. I looked at Jonny and told him that I had a bad feeling about this. I felt kind of stupid for being so upset about something that I obviously never had but it still hurt. The doctor came in and explained to us that there must have been something wrong with either the sperm or the egg so my body detected it and absorbed it. She explained that my body did not completely reject the pregnancy since the gestational sac kept growing. My gestational sac measured at 8 wks 2 days. She explained this as being called a "blighted ovum." She scheduled me for a D & C for the next morning and sent me home with some printouts about miscarriage.

I cried almost all of the way home. Once we got home, I was able to process what had happened. Jonny and I had hardly said two words to each other since we got the news. I looked over at him and said "Well, at least your sperm and my egg finally tried to do something." Then we both just laughed and realized that our journey was far from over. Not that I wanted it to end that way but it was nice to know that we were so much further in our journey than we were 18 months ago. We both know that our journey is completely in God's hands. Well, in God's hands and in the hands of my magical plastic applicators.

To tell or not to tell??

I wanted to run through the streets shouting my exciting news. I contemplated driving my car through town just honking the horn with a big sign taped to the car that read "Just found out I'm pregnant!" I thought about it and decided that I would rather keep the good news to myself for a little while. My husband got home from work and I told him that I would like to wait until after we go to the doctor to tell anyone that we are pregnant. He informed me that he had already called his entire family and some of his friends. (I think he was just a little bit excited.) I couldn't even get mad at him because I was so happy!! I told him that it was not fair to keep my parents in the dark so we decided that we would tell them the next day. That next day I threw a baby shower for my best friend and my mom was there. It was really hard to keep my mouth shut the entire day but I did it. Later that night, Jonny and I went over to my parents' house. I had the three positive pregnancy tests in my purse. After we got there, I told my mom that I had something for her. I reached in my purse and handed her the three pregnancy tests. She looked at them for a second and said "are these yours?" I just shook my head yes and said "yep, I peed on them!" and she started screaming. She screamed, cried, screamed some more and then hugged me until I just about lost my oxygen flow. My dad was all smiles and gave Jonny the congrats for "finally getting the job done." It was another great moment.

I decided that the only other people I wanted to tell was my supervisors at work. I figured this was a good idea so they would have a heads up that I would be having doctor appointments. And they knew about my rough journey so far. My bestfriend and I took them into an office and shut the door. We told them that we had to talk about something. Both of their faces were covered with a worry look like I might be quitting my job or something. Very quietly and with a serious look on my face I simply said "I'm pregnant." One of my supervisors screamed so loud that I had to cover her mouth so no one else in the office would wonder what was going on. We all jumped up and down and giggled like little girls telling gossip.

I then called the doctor and they had me come in the next morning to have blood work so they could check my hormone levels. They told me that as long as everything came back okay, I would come back when I was 8 weeks pregnant to have my first ultrasound. I had my blood work and everything came back great. My progesterone tested at a 25.2!! All the way up from an 8.4!! Very impressive. So we scheduled my 8 week ultrasound which was three weeks away. It felt like forever but I figured that I had waited this long, 3 more weeks shouldn't be too bad.

Could it be??

The first month I started the progesterone I learned the wonderful side effects. I was blessed with a lot of bloating, cramping and my boobs were so tender. After a few months on the hormone, I had become accustomed to aunt flow arriving a few days late. Let's just say that I got really excited those first couple of months. After four months on the hormone, my period was four days late (which was not unusual). I would always get that little bit of hope in my mind but I would push it away so I would not be disappointed. I was talking to my husband on the phone and he kept telling me to go buy a pregnancy test. I kept telling him that I did not want to waste my money just to be let down. My husband told me that I would need a pregnancy test eventually. He told me to just go buy a pregnancy test and put it under the bathroom cabinet so I would have it.

I went to the store, bought a test and didn't think twice about it. I got home and had to pee so I thought "what the hell?" I got a box with two tests in it so I figured wasting one wouldn't matter that much. So I went to the bathroom and peed on the little stick and immediately felt like this one was going to be different. I no more than got my pants pulled up and there were two blue lines!!! I rubbed my eyes and thought that maybe I had bought a test that was the opposite of what I was use to. I quickly opened the directions to confirm what I hoped was true. IT IS!!! IT IS TRUE!!! I cannot even begin to describe the emotions I experience at that moment. For those of you who do not know me, I am not a very emotional person. I am not really a crier. But at that moment, my heart was racing, my hands were shaking, I was crying and laughing at the same time. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. I just could not believe it. After 18 months of trying, I was FINALLY pregnant!!!

Although I had thought for so long about how I would tell my husband when I finally got that big fat positive, I couldn't wait. I immediately called my husband who was at work. He said "hello" and I screamed "O my God I'm pregnant!!" He kept saying "what?" "are you really?" I just kept laughing and saying "I swear! There's two blue lines!!" Then he told me I was going to give him a heart attack. He told me he loved me and told me to calm down...lol. I then had to call my best friend. Her husband answered and when I asked for her, I'm sure he could tell I had been crying. He gave her the phone I just said "I'm pregnant!" and I was crying and she was screaming and crying. It was the best feeling all over again. I remember saying to her "this test better not be lying to me." She and her husband immediately drove to my house to celebrate. She also brought along another box of pregnancy tests just so I could double confirm. She made me chug a bottle of water so I could pee again. And when the test showed two lines, we screamed all over again. There's nothing like jumping up and down in the middle of your kitchen with your best friend by your side holding a pee stick in your hand!!



My friend had been telling me for weeks that she had a suprise for me. I guess she decided that it was the perfect time to reveal her suprise so she handed me a gift bag. I opened it and found a beautiful silver picture frame that said "Godmother" at the top and "Walking beside me to love, lead and guide me" at the bottom. Inside the frame was a typed letter that read:

Dear Becky,

A godmother is a gift sent from heaven above bringing kisses and hugs and never ending love...

Would you please accept this gift and honor me and Brandon's wish of being Ethan's Godmother?



It was the best gift ever!!! I of course said yes! And we jumped up and down again. Now that I think back on that night, it was one of the happiest moments in my life. What I would give to be able to jump up and down screaming with a pee stick in my hand again.

The BIG day

There's nothing like an awkward moment between a husband and wife. There we are, standing in the bedroom looking at each other, knowing what we have to do. For some reason, there seems to be a lot of pressure put on you. So standing there, cup in one hand and, well you know what, in the other hand. I suddenly become overwhelmed with a nervous giggle which immediately turns into uncontrollable laughter. (This does not go over well with the hubby.) I determine that I am in no mental state to be helping him with his "deposit." So I leave my man alone to do what men do best. Finally, after what seems like a lifetime, my husband appears from the bedroom, cup in hand. He seems to be a bit distressed over the amount of his "deposit." "Is it too much?" "Is it too little?" I tell him there is no time to analyze the "deposit." We have exactly 60 minutes to get his sample to the lab. So we hit the road like Jeff Gordon rounding turn four. At the advice of my doctor, I gently hold the "deposit" under my armpit to keep it as close to body temperature as possible. I continue to laugh and giggle all the way to the hospital. My husband, who doesn't find this very amusing, tends to give me a dirty look every few minutes. We arrive at the hospital and my husband refuses to carry HIS sample inside. As if I carry it, no one will know where it came from. If I could make those "deposits" on my own, I sure wouldn't need him. So after arguing with a receptionist about letting me run frantically down the hall to the lab, our "deposit" is made with five minutes to spare. Once in the car, my husband seems a little more relaxed until he starts to analyze what the lab techs may find wrong with his little guys. With some reassurance from me, he finally lets it go.

A few days later, I receive a message from my doctor saying that the hubby's little guys are just fine. So it's all me, lovely. The doctor tells me that she is going to prescribe me a hormone to take. I am told that it will be a gel that is inserted vaginally. I am instructed to start the hormone on day 17 of my cycle and continue taking it once a day until I either start my period or get a positive pregnancy test. So 14 months after our journey began, I have a box full of weird looking plastic applicators containing a magical solution to all of my problems.

Progesterone

I go to the doctor on day 23 of my cycle as instructed and have my blood taken. Then it is more waiting. Finally, it is time. The phone rings and I recognize the number; it is my future calling. My heart and mind race. Should I answer it or pretend like this isn't happening? I answer the phone and puke in my mouth a little. The conversation goes a little like this:


"Hello" I say.


"Is this Rebecca?"


"Yes it is."


"This is Dr. Rasbach calling with the results of your blood work."


"uh hun" I mumble.


"your thyroid and everything was normal except for your progesterone hormone."


"okay."


"your progesterone tested at an 8.4 and you need at least a 10 to indicate ovulation and support a pregnancy. We can try some supplements but I really need your husband's sperm sample."


"okay." I say


"So I'll wait for that sample and we'll go from there."


"okay."

That's it! I couldn't say anything else. I just froze. I couldn't get anything else to come out of my mouth. My worst fears were smacking me in the face and all I could say was "okay." I tell myself to breath and count to 10. There, I feel better. My faith is strong.

Now, back to that certain "deposit" I mentioned earlier. I tell my husband about my blood test results. I then inform him that the doctor needs his sperm sample as soon as possible. The husband agrees so I read the directions front to back. i thought my husband was going to have a heart attack when he realized he couldn't ejaculate for five days before he gave the sample. Knowing that we haven't had any baby making sessions lately, I tell him that he can do the sample and take it to the lab tomorrow and he says he can't. I say "why" and he says "well, i thought you said I have to wait five days." What a nice way to find out that your husband spends his shower time making "deposits." So we set a date and I explain to him again what five days means.

I can't wait any more

By this time, we are approaching the end of June, 2009. I decide that a few months for a doctor appointment will probably kill me or send me to the loony bin so at the suggestion of my friend, I call a different doctor. They get me in right away. Off to the doctor I go with my hopes high and my fears higher. I'm surrounded by pregnant bellies as I wait in the waiting room. They call my name and I feel sick. The doctor comes in and her smile burns into my scull. We talk and the expression on her face when I tell her that we have been trying for 14 months gives me the chills. She does a wonderful exam and tells me to come back on day 23 of my cycle for some blood work. I think to myself "oh good, more counting." then she hands me a cup and a plastic bag. You see, the little cup is for a certain "deposit" that my husband will be making. I also loved the wording on the plastic bag "Hazardous Material." Hazardous! maybe that is why I can't get pregnant.

My husband isn't too happy with the news or the cute little cup. He does not want to make that "deposit." Well why is it fair for me to have all kinds of tests and him to not have one? His is a lot more pleasurable than mine (if you know what I mean). I decide that I am not going to argue with him. I tell him that we will wait and see what my blood work says.

Wonderful news and a little bit of jealousy

In the midst of my yearning, hoping, and praying to get pregnant, a friend of mine comes to me and informs me that after having sex one time without protection, she is pregnant. A part of me wanted to pull back my fist and punch the smile right off of her face. I hold it back. I am happy for her, just sad for myself. While she talks in excitement, I think to myself, maybe I should go to her house and drink some of her water. Or maybe I should search her cabinets for the magical powder.


After a few more wonderful visits from aunt flow, I decide that maybe I should make a doctor appointment to make sure everything is functioning correctly. My husband tells me that I am worrying about nothing and I need to stop freaking out. Whatever, every man knows that a woman is always right! I call the doctor to make an appointment and guess what? She can't get me in for a few months because she is on maternity leave. Can you believe it? In the meantime, I continue the sexcapades, hoping and praying that the sperm will get off of its lazy ass and go find my egg.


Then some really wonderful news! My best friend in the whole world tells me she is pregnant. I am so happy for her (but again, sad for myself). So now I am baby shower planning for two of my friends and sulking in private. I smile my way through baby shopping sprees, doctor appointments, all the while, my heart is breaking. I'm so jealous I can't stand it. I look at baby clothes, make suggestions on cribs while I hold back my urge to run through the store like a crazed woman while I knock down every rack and rip everything off of the shelves. I just keep reminding myself that one day I will be shoppping and someone will be planning a baby shower for me. This makes me feel better and helps me keep my faith.

Starting to worry

By this time, 10 months have passed since my baby making process began. I start to fear that something is wrong with me. Maybe my baby making parts aren't quite what they should be. Maybe they need a tune up from one of the mechanics who know how to make babies so well. then, like most women, I just know that it must be my husband. I think his sperm is lazy. They probably get half way to their destination, get lost, won't stop and ask for directions, and by the time they get there, the train has left the station. So they just decide to go to the bar, get a beer and forget why they were there in the first place. Or maybe they are just way too lazy to even try to make it to their destination. They probably know that no matter how fast they get there, the egg won't be satisfied. They'll get yelled at for never doing what they're told and suddenly the egg will get a headache and be too tired to "unite." I know that this sounds far fetched but I have thought long and hard about what the sperm could possibly be doing instead of mating with my precious egg.



Don't ever mention to your husband that there may possibly be something wrong with his manhood. Because there is NO way that his manhood could be having any kind of malfunction. There is NO way that HIS sperm is nothing less than SUPER.



So I travel on. If you are not aware, there is a new test on the market made by First Response that checks your fertility. The test measures your FSH level to determine if you have a good supply of eggs. So to the store I went to buy a test that could determine my future. I search the aisle and there it is, my fate staring at me in a pink box. I pay my $20 and rush to the car so I can read the directions front to back. The directions instruct you to take the test on day three of your cycle. So on day three I pee on the magical stick and then stare at the clock for three minutes. Then I look. So I see two pink lines. I think one looks darker than the other. I compare my results to the directions. Is it normal? Do I have eggs? Are my eyes playing tricks on me? Finally, after battling between good and evil, I determine that the test seems to be normal. So I jump for joy. Maybe there is a chance!! Now back to my previous thought, "maybe my husband's sperm is just retarded or lacking motivation."

Trying, hoping, counting and trying some more

So I keep trying. I count the days between my menstrual cycles to sure I have sex when I am most fertile. I've researched every website there is about ways to increase your fertility. Special diets and drinks. There are even certain sexual positions that increase your chances of getting pregnant. For those of you who don't know, the missionary position is the best position for you to get pregnant. But not only the missionary position, you need to elevate your hips by placing a pillow under your as and stay laying down for at least 15 minutes after sex. So not only are you counting days on your calendar, eating special foods and drinking special drinks, your sex life has now become a job fit for a mechanic. Who would of thought that there were so many tricks to baby making.



So if everything I've read is true, how in the world do these little girls get pregnant? Maybe they are better at researching than I am. And how is it that there are all of these women that love to tell you "I had sex one time and boom, I was pregnant." Maybe their husbands are mechanics. Maybe I should have married a mechanic.



So searching the web, counting days and laying with my legs above my head has now become my life. Every month you sit hoping and praying that aunt flow doesn't make her appearance. Since you've researched every single pregnancy symptom, you desperately want to feel some symptom. you may get a weird twinge in your boob and hope you're pregnant. you may get an abnormal cramp and think it must be the sperm and egg mating. Then suddenly you think you are feeling a little nauseous. After a week of this mind boggling, symptom chasing, hoping, wishing, you go to the bathroom and all of your dreams are flushed down the crapper. Then, the whole cycle starts over again.

And the journey to motherhood began

Little girls dream big. Doesn't every girl dream of a husband, a house with a little white picket fence and two and a half kids? The perfect man, perfect wedding, perfect house and beautiful children. Like I said, we dream big. When we are little, we play with baby dolls. We feed them, change their "poopy" diapers and cuddle them when they cry. We carry those baby dolls everywhere with us. They have strollers, high chairs and they even have various outfit changes. I remember that my favorite baby doll when I was little was the Water Baby. You took this baby out of the box and filled it up with water. It was so life like.

As we get older, we start to figure out the "joys" of womanhood. (Some of us sooner than others.) Why in the world do we have to be bloated, moody and doubled over in pain to be considered a woman? In my opinion, we should just have to take a written test or something. As we've entered into womanhood, our baby dolls get packed away, thrown away or sold in garage sells to other little girls with big dreams.

As we get a little older, we start to realize that boys don't' have as many "cooties" as they use to. They are actually kind of normal now, like maybe they are from this planet. We search for the perfect guy. We may find him, but after a week he doesn't seem that perfect after all. Most of us spend a lot of years doing everything we can to avoid getting pregnant. Some of the smarter women just abstain from sex. Those of use who aren't so smart use condoms, spermicides, birth control or the famous "pull and pray" method. Some of use use all of those at the same time for extra protection. We put all of this effort in to avoiding pregnancy.

So this brings us to around February, 2009 when I began journaling my efforts to have a child. Why is it that when you decide to have a baby, pregnant women seem to pop up everywhere?Like suddenly the baby boom has started and you missed the memo. Your body has suddenly become a pregnant woman magnet. Everywhere you turn there is a big belly to greet you. Have there always been this many pregnant women around me and I just didn't notice? Maybe there is some kind of magical powder, or pill or feminine soap that I am not aware of. So there I sat. A 25 year old married woman with no baby bump. I had done everything right up to that point. I played with dolls, did my best to avoid getting pregnant, grew up and got married. Everyone kept telling me to not get discouraged. They would say "When you stop trying, then it will happen." How int he world can you stop trying and then get pregnant? Don't you have to have sex in order to get pregnant? Maybe my high school sex education teacher had been misinformed. Or maybe it is the magical powder or pill or feminine soap that I mentioned earlier.

Starting from the beginning

I guess the best way to start a new blog is to start from the beginning, although I am not going to sit here and type my whole life story. So I will tell you about how I met my wonderful husband. Jonny and I actually met each other in middle school. We even dated a few times throughout middle school. The only thing I remember about us dating was that he was always the one breaking up with me...lol. I guess I hadn't stole his heart yet. We did not date anymore throughout high school. Come to think of it, I don't even think we talked much throughout high school. After we graduated we were both in serious relationships and went our separate ways. About a year later, both of our relationships were ending (that is a story for another time). Somehow, we found each other again and became best friends. We spent almost every single day together. I even recall trying set Jonny up with some of my girlfriends. After about a year of us hanging out together as friends, I think we both realized that our feelings for each other were starting to change from "friendship" to "something more." I remember this like it was yesterday. Jonny and I took a weekend trip to Tennessee (as we often did). We rented a cute little cabin in the mountains and planned our adventures for the weekend. Little did I know, Jonny had his own adventure planned. Our first night in the cabin, Jonny sat me down and poured his heart out to me. From that moment on, we have been together as "more than friends." That was in 2004. Jonny proposed to me on Christmas of 2006 and we got married on May 3, 2008, and the rest is history. Before Jonny and I got married, we had already talked about children. Both of us decided that we wanted to start trying to have a baby right away. So in March, 2008 I quit taking my birth control. On our honeymoon, we began all of the fun escapades of baby making.