Birthday Wishes

It is so funny that when we are little, we wish for some of the simplest things when we blow out our birthday candles. We wish for things like a new toy, a barbie, a bicycle or for a certain boy to like us. When we are young, our wishes don't seem that far out of reach. When I turned 25, I was already wishing for me and Jonny to have a healthy baby (even though I was a couple of months from marriage). When I turned 26, I was still wishing for a healthy baby, but also wishing that there was nothing wrong with me that would prevent us from having a baby. This year, I was hoping that I would get a positive pregnancy test as a birthday present. That did not happen. I did break down and take the pregnancy test provided to me by my friend. I already knew in my heart that it would be negative but I peed on the damn thing anyway. I took it Friday morning and got the big fat negative. And guess what? Good ol aunt flow visited me that night. So, I will wish one more time for a healthy baby. I will not be blowing out any birthday candles until Sunday so I am saving up all of my air so I can get them all blown out with one breath. Isn't that the only way your wish comes true? At least that is what I was told as I was growing up.

I did, however, have a very wonderful day. I arrived at work to find my cubicle decorated with Happy Birthday decor and balloons. I had a huge basket full of presents from my secret pal. Then, I went to lunch with about 20 of the greatest co-workers ever! We ate at Montana Mikes and I had never been there before. Great food! Next, Telisha and I went to the salon to be pampered. I got my hair highlighted and cut and then we both got facials. It was very relaxing. So, even though I did not get the present that I have longed for for almost two years, I had a very good birthday.

The Waiting Game is the Worst Part

Sometimes I feel like my life resembles a Shakespear play. "To pee or not to pee." As you read in my previous post, I started my hormone on February 20th. My period was due yesterday but the hormone always delays it. Although I would like to go ahead and take a pregnancy test, I feel like I'm not ready for disappointment. In the past 20 months of trying for a baby, I have only taken 3 pregnancy tests. Two of which were a big fat negative and one of which was a dream come true. I am trying to not set myself up for a huge disappointment but it is hard to not hope that the little spermy and little eggy did their job. My friend wants me to take a test right away. She even provided me with one to take home with me. I don't think I can bring myself to take one yet. It sounds a bit silly but I'd like to hold on to my hope a little bit longer. So I sit and wait and contemplate on whether to pee or not to pee. That is the big question.